Dancing With Tears In My Eyes
by xCocaineCharliex
Summary: Set after Series 4 Episode 8. A small one-shot about Effy. Overcome by guilt and grief, Effy experiences another breakdown over Freddie, but could this be the last one?  That was a rubbish summary...give it a chance, I promise it's better! Ha  x


**Just a small one-shot, I've just moved back to uni, where I'm currently in my third year and also playing 'mum' to a bunch of first years!**

**So obviously I have been a bit busy, which is why its taking me so long to update my next chapter of 'Who Said It Was Over', so anyone reading that please be reassured that will be updated this weekend!**

**This is something I wrote a while back, that I thought I would post to give you something in the mean time...It's something I envisioned whilst listening to Ke$ha's song 'Dancing With Tears In My Eyes'**

**Enjoy x**

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It's strange how you can be standing in the middle of a cram packed room, with millions of other people around you, yet you can still feel unbelievably alone. No matter how loud the beat of the music is, or how loud the people around you shout, they are drowned out by the voices screaming inside your head. You're all in the same room, but you might as well not be, because you're not there to them. They can't see you, sure they can see you, but not the real you.

Occasional their secret glances turn into stares, because you're different, you're not like them. You are in your own little world, you may be in this big one, but you are isolated. You're delusional, sure you have drink and drugs flowing through your veins just like them, but it's not the same. You're losing it; you can feel it, with every second that ticks away. You're fading, you are leaving, and it's your end.

You've always been different, you've always been fighting to be here, to be in this world. You never were though, you were never like everyone else, and you'll never be like them. So you accept the end, you throw your arms in the air, as if welcoming it. You are swaying, not to the music in the club, but to the music inside you. There is music inside all of us, but yours again is different, it lets you know you are alive. With every move it fades, with every move it gets quieter; it lets the voices get louder.

The voices are in you, no one else can hear them, because really they are you. The voices don't let you forget, they remind you of the truth, they tell you who you are. You're broken, you're a failure, and you always were. They don't let you forget, they won't ever let you forget, that it's your entire fault. You let them in, you let them take control, and you let them tell you what to do. You tried to run, but it was pointless, because they were in you.

You made mistakes, you let him get to near, you let him knock down the walls you had built to stop them. You destroyed him; you let him fall in love with you, when you knew you would break his heart. You went one step further; you let him get to near, until he couldn't get away. You trapped him, you led him to the trap, and you destroyed his life. You can try all you want, you can try pretending it didn't happen, but it did. Your tears can fall, in the darkness, but they won't bring him back. That doesn't stop them though; you dance, with tears in your eyes.

You're fading though; you feel it, feel the end getting nearer. You can feel yourself getting colder, your pulse is slowing, and your music is getting quieter. You're dying, you're dead, and you always were. Not to him though, that's what you don't understand, you never will understand. He could see you, the real you, he felt you. Yet he still came close, he still let himself be led to the trap, by you. You know there is only one reason for that, but it breaks you even more to think it, it kills you to know he loved you.

That's what love does, that's what your love does, it destroys. You always knew it would, you knew you contained too much love in your heart; you knew it would be the end if you let it out. Its too late now, it's done, it's ending. You could feel comfort from the thought its ending, the idea you won't hurt anyone any longer, but there is no promise you won't. Everything you touched, you ruined it, and you will continue to ruin it long after you're gone.

This is it, the final hurdle, the end is so near. You push down the remains of the barriers, breaking down what was left of them, preparing yourself for it all to come flooding in. And it does, it knocks the breath from within you, winding you somehow. Your music has stopped, the voices scream out, so you stop swaying. You stand rigid, let them take over, let them take control. The tears that have been building up slowly start to fall, but you can't tell if anyone has noticed, because everything has gone black.

You're surrounded by darkness, quietness, coldness. You can feel them clawing at your skin, tearing at your flesh, breaking through your chest. They yank out your heart, hold it high in their hands, a victory for them. Then you hear him, you hear him shout to you, it's louder then the voices. He gets louder, nearer, you can feel him now. His warmth, his scent, he's right beside you. You can't quite believe it, you don't understand how he is, but he's at the end with you.

You feel his touch, his fingers against your torn flesh, as if he can repair you. His hand hovers over the hole in your chest, filling it with warmth, with love. Until you feel the beats within your chest restart, until you hear the sound of your music within start to flow back again, getting louder by the minute. You feel his hand in yours, fingers entwine, as the voices get quieter. Your breathing hitches, as you open your eyes, the blackness disappears and you find him standing in front of you.

You fall into him, into his glowing arms, as he places a small tender kiss on your forehead. His eyes shimmer, gleaming down into your own, making you realise you are no longer crying. He looks over his shoulder; behind him is a bright white light, he nods towards it. You still don't understand, you don't know how he's doing it, how he is here.

The only explanation you can find is love, his love for you has brought him to you, brought you to him. He leads you towards the bright light, you can no longer hear the voices, their not even in the back of your mind waiting anymore. Squeezing his hand, you step into the light with him, it blinds you.

His soft voice fills your head, _"It's ok, we're together, we'll always be together"_.

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**I hope you liked that little one-shot...I enjoyed writing it anywho...so! LOL**

**I'll update sooonn, if you review :P**

**x**


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